life, for what purpose to what end do we exist, or do we? dwelling in the pain of human finitude with transient joys, to what end do not the beasts of the field have more purpose? finding happiness and meaning, is it even possible in their world can we even control what matters? a reason and a season for this perpetual autumn my dreams are as stormy clouds, fast approaching yet tomorrow never arrives for we are destined to shuffle on and off we live, we die, we know not why what is this life is it even meant to have meaning? breath, eat, love, shit, work and then …..
#darkthoughts
Enough !!
how long must one endure? giving up not coz I don’t care but because others don’t I’ve fuckin’ had enough stepping back from life’s bullshit fighting a losing battle trying not to lose war by losing the battle how deep must one dig? until you find it all, then to discover maybe you still do ….
© 2020 michael d emmerich
© 2020 mikesnexus.com
Too Tired To..
I
the last autumn leaf cleaves
bone tired, refusing to fall
grasping the weathered phalange
extending from the gnarled skeletal branch
reaching ….
by a mere filament it hangs
to stubborn … or
too tired to fall
II
that feeling, at days end
when the marrow has been sucked
from the core of your life
when you just too tired to sigh
……
yes, one of those days
that’s how I wake up these days
© 2020 michael d emmerich
© 2020 mikesnexus.com
What is Home?
home is where we start
but not where were it ends
the pathway from birth to death
is littered with choices
collected, used, stored, discarded
some stones sparkle and tempt
others lie cracked, damaged, exposed
by life's harsh realities
yet there is value in these damaged stones
and then, one day, I will die somewhere
against my will or another’s
but not today
© 2020 michael d emmerich
© 2020 mikesnexus.com
Why ?
memories of dark days days of remembering why? the loss of belonging of longing... why?
© 2019 michael d emmerich
© 2019 mikesnexus
My Thoughts and Head Space
Some of you might have noticed I have been silent/absent for a few weeks from posting. I have been processing a lot – 2018 has been a rough year; a love was lost, a few close friends/colleagues passed away (natural causes, in the line of duty and some took their own lives), work has been mentally & emotionally draining in The DRC with very little off time for rest and respite, plus writers block has hit me of late, although the writings that do emerge are filled with far to many dark thoughts & silent screams skirting the shadows of my mind. So I have withdrawn, not processing on social media, but in private, so many emotions & thoughts circle the shadows of my mind, trying to focus on the positive & write happy thoughts, but my writing is still skirting the dark.
I do know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and the progression of healing takes time, and one must just learn to be patient with one’s self, and allow the healing to take place. I want to thank the few close friends who have been there for me … Thanks T, and a few others ….
Subterranean Lullaby
pitter patter of tiny feet rat-a-tat of bullets ripping sheets orange spears of flickering candles casting opaque shadows on strips of flannel digging deeper, ripping up the dirt slowly covering holes in the shirt the man in the long black coat stands unsteadily at the edge of the moat doing his best not to gloat as the sand, cascades down all around the sacrificial goat as its ripped bleeding throat drains over the distended belly, as it bloats swallowed up consumed by this world in the belly of the beast all curled buried in the grave, six feet under as the veil is rent asunder silver coins glinting on the eyes, all bright weeping silver teardrops, in the watery moonlight
© 2018 Michael D Emmerich
Black Mist
rollin’ and a tumblin’ it draws nigh
no warning bell tolls
this boiling tempestuous darkness
a mist of uncertainty
splashed with crimson
wrapping you in its threadbare
torn black shroud
black as the coal driven snow
no protection afforded
from the shards of blackness
…..
releasing, enveloping
or entombing?
© 2018 michael d emmerich
Nevermore
lift me up nevermore head on my pillow nevermore empty sky for evermore
© 2018 michael d emmerich
Broken
not knowing dying a slow death emotions bleeding out lying in an ever widening pool at my feet the stains of my life fade into nothingness
© 2018 michael d emmerich