#darkthoughts

What is this ….

/ mikesnexus / Leave a comment 
life, for what purpose

to what end do we exist, or do we?

dwelling in the pain of human finitude

with transient joys, to what end



do not the beasts of the field have more purpose?

finding happiness and meaning,

is it even possible in their world

can we even control what matters?



a reason and a season for this perpetual autumn

my dreams are as stormy clouds, fast approaching

yet tomorrow never arrives

for we are destined to shuffle on and off



we live, we die, we know not why

what is this life

is it even meant to have meaning?

breath, eat, love, shit, work

and then …..
© 2020 michael d emmerich
© 2020 mikesnexus.com

snoopy meaning of life

Enough !!

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how long must one endure?

giving up not coz I don’t care

but because others don’t

I’ve fuckin’ had enough



stepping back from life’s bullshit

fighting a losing battle

trying not to lose war

by losing the battle



how deep must one dig?

until you find it all,

then to discover

maybe you still do

….

© 2020 michael d emmerich

© 2020 mikesnexus.com

Too Tired To..

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I

the last autumn leaf cleaves

bone tired, refusing to fall

grasping the weathered phalange

extending from the gnarled skeletal branch

reaching ….

by a mere filament it hangs

to stubborn … or

too tired to fall

II

that feeling, at days end

when the marrow has been sucked

from the core of your life

when you just too tired to sigh

……

yes, one of those days

that’s how I wake up these days

© 2020 michael d emmerich

© 2020 mikesnexus.com

What is Home?

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home is where we start

but not where were it ends

the pathway from birth to death

is littered with choices



collected, used, stored, discarded

some stones sparkle and tempt

others lie cracked, damaged, exposed

by life's harsh realities



yet there is value in these damaged stones

and then, one day, I will die somewhere

against my will or another’s

but not today
© 2020 michael d emmerich
© 2020 mikesnexus.com

Why ?

/ mikesnexus / Leave a comment 
memories of dark days

days of remembering

why?

the loss of belonging

of longing...

why?
© 2019 michael d emmerich
© 2019 mikesnexus

index

My Thoughts and Head Space

/ mikesnexus / Leave a comment

Some of you might have noticed I have been silent/absent for a few weeks from posting. I have been  processing a lot – 2018 has been a rough year; a love was lost, a few close friends/colleagues passed away (natural causes, in the line of duty and some took their own lives), work has been mentally & emotionally draining in The DRC with very little off time for rest and respite, plus writers block has hit me of late, although the writings that do emerge are filled with far to many dark thoughts & silent screams skirting the shadows of my mind. So I have withdrawn, not processing on social media, but in private, so many emotions & thoughts circle the shadows of my mind, trying to focus on the positive & write happy thoughts, but my writing is still skirting the dark.

2015-02-19 09.00.16.jpg

I do know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and the progression of healing takes time, and one must just learn to be patient with one’s self, and allow the healing to take place. I want to thank the few close friends who have been there for me … Thanks T, and a few others ….

oznor
cof

Subterranean Lullaby

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pitter patter of tiny feet

rat-a-tat of bullets ripping sheets

orange spears of flickering candles

casting opaque shadows on strips of flannel

digging deeper, ripping up the dirt

slowly covering holes in the shirt



the man in the long black coat

stands unsteadily at the edge of the moat

doing his best not to gloat

as the sand, cascades down all around the sacrificial goat

as its ripped bleeding throat

drains over the distended belly, as it bloats



swallowed up consumed by this world

in the belly of the beast all curled

buried in the grave, six feet under

as the veil is rent asunder

silver coins glinting on the eyes, all bright

weeping silver teardrops, in the watery moonlight

© 2018 Michael D Emmerich

 

The Man In The Long Black Coat

Black Mist

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rollin’ and a tumblin’ it draws nigh

no warning bell tolls

this boiling tempestuous darkness

a mist of uncertainty

splashed with crimson



wrapping you in its threadbare

torn black shroud

black as the coal driven snow

no protection afforded

from the shards of blackness

…..

releasing, enveloping

or entombing?

© 2018 michael d emmerich

Nevermore

/ mikesnexus / Leave a comment 
lift me up

nevermore

head on my pillow

nevermore

empty sky

for evermore

© 2018 michael d emmerich

Broken

/ mikesnexus / Leave a comment 
not knowing

dying a slow death

emotions bleeding out

lying in an ever widening

pool at my feet

the stains of my life

fade into nothingness

© 2018 michael d emmerich