the sun is behind the clouds can it rain for a lifetime? a gray-black morass hangs over all this damocles sword denying all of happiness who reside amongst this, constant apprehension this novel storm that rages cuts all to the quick while remaining an affirmation of life despite the suffering
#mylife
Lost and Found in the Time of Covid
At times I am not sure if I am stuck in Dante’s first circle of Hell; Limbo, or one of Poe’s 7 rooms in “The Masque of the Red Death” or in some strange sick way stuck with just the 7 dwarfs, or one of them, on any given day….
Covid has kept me trapped or should I say locked in and locked out – locked in Saudi Arabia and locked out of South Africa; the irony is that they are both abbreviated to SA. Stuck in SA, whilst trying to get to SA – a perpetual state of limbo. The pandemic is so representative of Poe’s writings – representing the typical attributes of human life and mortality, which would imply that Covid could be an allegory about man’s futile attempts to stave off the inevitable, death. Yet, as we might expect, there is no locking out or blotting out death. By the end of the outbreak, it will have broken down the walls of each castle, despite our best efforts to hold it at bay.
But this is no allegory, this is real life, and its effects on so many; the infected, the cured, the healthy, the untouched, the medical teams; is significant, life changing and life ending.
I have been on the road these past 9 months, starting in Iraq and ending in Saudi. Arrived in Saudi in early January and still here, with no end in sight. Home awaits, when flights and countries unlock, until then its working in a Covid rich country. I have been on 2 different projects, and exposed to the ways of Covid, from overseeing an outbreak from afar due to lockdown and curfews and then to being at the coalface of one, albeit a small outbreak. Been in lock down and then isolation, been on the road and in camps with outbreaks. The pressure has been continuous and relentless, what with all of the above and then also at times, wearing full medical PPE, double gloved, double masked with a face shield in 40 deg heat testing and monitoring people. Yes, you can breathe quiet well in a double mask (surgical and N95) with a face shield in 40˚ C heat for a few hours. Rather that, than to be intubated and ventilated.
One of the issues at the forefront of one’s mind is when do I get to detach from this dystopian nightmare and get to go home and rest. Working 6 to 7 days a week, week in and week out, some days are quiet while others drag into 18- or 20-hour marathons. The answer is the same as “how long is a piece of string” conundrum.
Compared to running a race with no defined finish line, you have no way to know how to pace yourself and what must be kept in reserve for the last lap and sprint across the line.
So now that I have spoken about being lost, what have I found/witnessed/seen during this time? I have found friends in places I never thought I would, have tapped the reserves of resilience I never knew I had, seen (once again) the banality of corporate deceit and greed (which is not a new experience for me, but just depressing to witness in times of need and in a disaster), seen the compassion and care of dedicated medical professionals working with limited resources in difficult environments.
Personally, and professionally I have had to stretch the boundaries of my knowledge, patience, and energy levels; to keep pace with the ever-changing environments, locations, working hours and unimaginable stress from unexpected quarters. I have had to rely on my tried and trusted coping mechanisms. The journey has dragged me to revisit and explore new and old coping processes to get through the long grind away from home and my safe place.
No matter how bitter, maudlin, depressing this journey has been I must focus on the good that has come out of it, and that will be my guiding star.
“Midway along the journey of our life
I woke to find myself in a dark wood,
for I had wandered off from the straight path.How hard it is to tell what it was like,
this wood of wilderness, savage and stubborn
(the thought of it brings back all my old fears),a bitter place! Death could scarce be bitterer.
But if I would show the good that came of it
I must talk about things other than the good.”Dante Alighieri
or in the words of Eros Ramazzotti from his song, Lettera al future/Letter to the future – loosely based around “The Masque of the Red Death”
Eros Ramazzotti Lettera al future/Letter to the future
I am writing all this to you
who will be born someday in the future
and who knows how things will be
if this wind will have left the cities…
I don’t know the world you’ll find
I just hope you’ll be
the son of a new
and more fair humanity
Who Shall Mourn?
if I pass away in some foreign field
sun burnt white back bones
the brittle stations of the cross
civilisations like bones
… turn to dust
who will know to come and mourn?
if they knew, would they?
eulogy or legacy
what remains
.. other than another day
as the worlds falls apart
the strings are pulled
it all unravels, at the end
I can’t leave, but eventually I will
just passing through
© 2020 Michael D Emmerich
© 2020 mikesnexus.com
The Sunsets and Rises across the Middle East
Been flitting between 3 countries across the Middle East the past 2 months – Iraq, UAE and Saudi Arabia. The scenery has been vast, breathtaking, desolate and beautiful. Going for evening runs across the barren plains, running in the absolute stillness of the desert air has been amazing. Here are some of the photo’s I have taken … maybe more to follow … 🙂 … as i am still here for a few more months …
The moon during the day has been awesome ….
Had to include a cigar sunset pic .. 🙂
All pictures taken by me, using my trusty camera phone …
© 2020 Michael D Emmerich
© 2020 mikesnexus.com
The Coming Storm
a poem of reflection …..
under the influence of life all things merge into one forming a single perfect storm motionless I lay on the turgidity can approaching silence be so quiet? waiting in hope, in time and silence a single menacing mass approaches gray clouds merging into a single menacing black mass waiting and listening in the silence what defines you now is how you deal with this tempest afterward, do you lie basking in the sunlight or broken, bruised on the rocks for in that silence you will be defined
© 2019 michael d emmerich
© 2019 mikesnexus.com
Chasing the Gray
Another year around the sun rolls by … another year opens up .. my life continues … what does the next year hold? All I know is that I keep chasing, moving forward .. skirting the gray .. pushing towards hope as I skirt the shadows …
My 55th birthday poem, a present to myself …. you decide if it is inspiring or depressing ….♥
closer to the edge
day by day
I skirt the sepia
my darkness
my solitude
I’ll lock the door
block the door
maybe step outside
and change the world
welcome to my world
my inner eternal battles
where even blood is gray
when coagulated by time
hope pushes out fear
pain and despair
is it all in vain
as I chase the gray
© 2017 michael d emmerich
Chasing Rainbows
the moon behind my back with shadows stretching out before, distorting, lengthening, changing the way that lies ahead standing in the gray hoping to arrive as I keep chasing rainbows to dry my tears
© 2019 michael d emmerich
© 2019 mikesnexus
Love Lingers
take the old, and make it new paper over the pain although the cracks still let the love in as the master said the world changes as we learn to make it new I’ll still care for you let’s use what we got make do and make new love is there for others too but for you my love will always linger
© 2019 michael d emmerich
© 2019 mikesnexus
Scenes from my Valley
Back from my travels in my gorgeous valley for awhile …enjoying the scenery with my morning run/walks with Lili and at times T 🙂 … and dragging my MTB for a cycle now and again
Lili in her element … gotta love the pup 🙂
Scenes across the valley in the early morning when we are running trails up the mountain
Love these forest trails …..
till next time …I trust you enjoyed these pictures as much I did taking them … 🙂
© 2019 michael d emmerich
© 2019 mikesnexus
Thought for the day …
be that island of serenity in the raging storms and waves of life's tumultuous ocean