how it came to be that cats gave names to humans
is very much a mystery, littered with rumour and intrigue
for as we have named cats
they have in turn named themselves
and then they named us
their lowly servants who have worshipped them for generations
legends allude as to how this came to be
but truth be told
it is lost in the mists of time in the fjords of Norway
Luonnotar the Norse goddess of the earth
gave life to this naming process when she gave birth to the world
the process is shrouded in secrecy and cat logic
and remains largely unknown in the human world
(cat logic and the naming process)
our primary name is based largely on geographical location
and physical appearance
so other cats can understand where we fit into their world
my primary cat name I have been told is
grayman culsac and my wife’s is
fairy goddess culsac
then there is that name that your cat has for you
the secret name that only your cats know
no amount of scratches rubs or treats will extract it from kitty
but the myths do speak of the secret cat nip recipe
but no more of that as I am being given the cats eye
so when you next notice your cat in quiet contemplation
casting a knowing half opened eye in your direction
know that kitty is quietly considering if your secret name is still as apt
as it was when kitty first wrapped
you around his gracefully extended paw
horror of horrors if your secret name is no longer valid
for the heavens would open up and swallow you
Luonnotar would regurgitate you like a hairball
again and again
until you become the crazy cat person your kitty desires
in every crazy cat person’s history
lies at least one hairball reincarnation
so when you next notice kitty gazing at you for longer than usual
best you scurry over with treats or scratches
far be it for you to incur the wrath of the cat gods
or as they would say in ancient Egypt
Bastet got your tongue
(busted or bastard) your choice
© 2016 Michael D Emmerich
mikesnexus 